We got to almost at the end of August, and for us, the big decision about Home Education has been… postponed. The initial idea brought a fragile hope, but as September loomed closer, the familiar anxieties of change started to settle in, especially for Claire.
The Weight of the "What Ifs"
That initial family discussion about de-registering Ash brought some relief to Ash, but for Claire, it opened a Pandora's Box of worries. She isn't alone in these fears; they're incredibly common:
- "Am I smart enough to be a teacher?" This is a huge one. The pressure to replicate a formal education at home feels immense.
- Her Own Neurodivergence: Claire herself is neurodivergent, and the idea of managing not only Ash's needs but also her own energy and sensory input 24/7 was overwhelming.
- 24/7 Togetherness: How would we, as a family, cope with being in the same space, all day, every day? The dynamics felt daunting.
- Social Isolation: The fear of removing Ash from her friends, even if those friendships were often a source of stress, was a significant barrier.
"Sometimes, the fear of the unknown is more potent than the discomfort of the familiar. Even when the familiar isn't truly working."
Back to School… With Reservations
So, we made the decision for Ash to start the new school year. She accepted it with her typical quiet resilience, though we could sense the underlying apprehension. It's not a complete surrender, but a deferral. We explained to the SEN provisions at school that Ash would need further support, particularly with the transition.
New Year, New Challenges:
- New Classes: Navigating new rooms, new expectations.
- New Teachers: Building new relationships, explaining her needs all over again.
- New People: The ever-present social gauntlet of making new connections or re-establishing old ones.
- New Routines: Perhaps the biggest challenge for Ash, whose anxiety spikes with any deviation from the expected.
We're watching her go back, and the question echoes: Have we done the right thing? It’s a feeling many parents will recognize – that gnawing doubt, the hope that things might magically be different this year, coupled with the dread that they might just be the same, or worse.
This path feels less like a firm decision and more like holding our breath, hoping for the best, and trying to be ready if the best doesn't materialize. We know we're not alone in this hesitant journey, and perhaps acknowledging that uncertainty is the first step toward finding a more sustainable rhythm.
